Cats

Cats are in the news. Cats and their owners - though one doesn't actually own a cat, it owns you.
Someone, probably a scientific researcher on a government grant at one of our superior universities, has declared that the owners of cats are more intelligent than the owners of dogs. Since I have never owned a dog but have had a couple of cats over the years I'd like to think that there's some truth in it.
Two letters appeared in The Times on the vitally important topic: "Cats do not have owners. In return for food, cats lease their services to gullible people." And "I'm sure I am not more intelligent than dog owners, but I do know for certain that I am regarded as staff by the small furry family members."
My father used to say: "a female cat in the house becomes the owner of the house." I can prove that. One female cat whose name escapes me - actually I wonder if it did have a name because it was a stray that sneaked into the house and just would not leave. The tom cat we had when I was a kid seemed to tolerate us. She didn't, she just sat there looking miserable and "in charge". He would play a bit - fight, that is - and liked going out of an evening - for the night. She never went anywhere.
A friend of mine, an ex copper, had about eight cats, most of them strays. I have the feeling that when a cat finds a sucker like him he goes out to tell his mates and they all arrive on the doorstep.
One day when I gave him a lift home from playing badminton, he said "come and have a look indoors at my cats". I told him I was allergic to cats' fur. He said: "just pop your head round the door of the front room". I did and was presented with the spectacle of his eight cats sttretched out on every chair and settee in the room. "Where do you sit?" I asked. "There," he said and pointed to the carpet.
By the way, they all stared at me as if I had just crawled out from under a stone.