Chefs

Why do all those Masterchef contenders want to do a job that to me looks about as inviting as shovelling coal in the bowels of The Titanic? "It's what I really, really, really want to do with my life." Huh? "There's nothing I want to do more than cook." Huh? "I don't think of anything else, only cooking." Huh? again. I feel like yelling at them "Go, get a life!" But no, they really, really, really want to devote their lives to turning out stuff that other people eat.
I feel sorry for them, especially when they lose. "I'm gutted," they say. Or "I'm not giving up now I've come this far; OK my fish fingers were underdone and the crust on them was burnt and they fell apart when you put the fork in them, but that just spurs me on to do better until I'm good enough to open my own restaurant...." Don't they realise that restaurants are closing as fast as pubs? And don't they realise that if and when they do open a restaurant, one of the well known restaurant critics will come along and tear them apart. Some one like A.A. Gill. Or someone like.... no, not him again - the trouble is he's been on my mind for days since I saw his last programme, can't get the beast from my thoughts..... you've got it (sound of horrible slash-horror movie music) Michael Winner.
Just when I thought I'd forgotten his egregiously vile programme of last Friday, his name pops up in a supplement of the Times: a few restaurant critics were invited to pass comment on a new stylish restaurant called "Kitchen". Most focussed on the food. Not Winner. He concentrated his vitriol on the manager and his staff. He didn't even mention the food; he wrote about his favourite subject - himself. "I had an awful time with a rude receptionist...." "We waited and waited...." the General Manager "walked by right to left, ignoring Peter and me."
In a quarter of an hour's time he's on again with his vile posturing in front of two "ordinary people" who will cook for him. He will make notes, be rude, shout at his two aides and sum up at the end like Nero giving a thumbs down. In let me see.... eleven minutes time he'll be at it again. Must close now. Can't wait.