Gentlemen

When I was a schoolboy of age about 10, the headmaster appeared in the classroom one day to speak to the teacher; he turned to the class and asked us did we know what a gentleman was. I think a few wiseacres put their hands up and said things like "good, sir" and "kind, sir" and "gentle, sir". Good said the headmaster: you can, he said, break the word into two parts, "Gentle and man", a gentle man or a gentleman.
Why has this memory come to mind recently? Well, there have been a series of letters in The Times commenting on what the writers believe to be qualities found in gentlemen. One said "a gentleman is someone who is treated as such" which is, I suppose, rather witty but not definitive. Another wrote: "A gentkleman never gives offence unintentionally" which is rather good.
I remember thinking about the headmaster's question and believing I didn't know any gentlemen. I didn't think my father was then though now I realise he was; that is, he never thought badly about most people - except the Australian test team - he was generally kind and thoughful towards people and so on. I think I had the idea that a gentleman would have to be rich and a toff (like David Cameron who, I read, can be rude so that cuts him out). But a lot of toffs are not gentlemen; indeed, it may actually be the case that being a toff instantly diminishes your gentlemanly status because isn't a toff someone who shows a certain measure of disdain for those who are not toffs? Yes is the answer to that. Yet, though Cameron is evidently a toff and not a gentleman, I think that Boris Johnson is a toff and possibly is a gentleman.
Being polite to ladies and old people was once, I think, considered to be gentlemanly behaviour. But feminism made some "ladies" into dragons and there's not much politeness these days to old people (I should know from experience); they rather get in the wayand they make too many demands on younger people.
So how does the Collins dictionary define "gentleman""? Quote: "A man of good birth; one who, without a title, bears a coat of arms; one above the trading classes" ..... When was this dictionary written? In the 18th Century or earlier? .... Hah this is more like it: "A man of refined manners; a man of good feeling and instincts, courteous and honourable." That's better.
Not at all like the definition Freddy Trueman gave: "A gentleman is someone who gets out of the bath to use the lavatory."