Malvolio

I have only once acted in a play. It was an amateur production of Richard the Third by Shakespeare. I was a soldier: the one who leads the group carrying the coffin of .... whoever it was.... Suddenly out comes Richard himself, old Crookback, and tries to halt the procession. I then had to say: "Stand back and let the coffin pass." My one and only line in the play. I forgot it. It was D.W.'s fault. He was a friend of mine and he was sitting in the front row grinning up at me. I almost said "Hi, D.W." but instead I had my line to say. Which I forgot.
I have never acted since. I have never wished to. But once, a long time ago, I did fancy acting.
At the school Eisteddfod, one of the set competitions each "house" had to enter was a scene from "Twelfth Night". The letter scene. I got a few bods from the sixth form to do the scene. Big, six and half foot second-row B.T. played Andrew Aguecheek, a short imp of a kid with a loud voice played Sir Toby Belch, a pretty girl (we all fancied) played Maria. I played Malvolio.
Maria came out to start the scene. She came out from the changing room in the gym where the scenes were played - don't ask me why the main hall wasn't used. She came out, stood still and did not speak. In thespian-ese, she "dried". But she didn't panic, at least not outwardly; she didn't scream and rush off. What she did was something braver and more useful to us waiting in the wings, so to speak, to go on: she returned to the changing room and re-entered with the text of the play in her hand. She kept the book in her hands throughout. She didn't act, she gave "a reading". Next came the gang led by Toby Belch. Next came Malvolio to find the letter they had forged. To hide from him they all dived behind a gym horse, took out their books from their pockets and, like Maria, proceeded to give a reading of the text.
I had learnt my lines. I thought I was rather good. I was told at the end that I had made the best exit - I pranced off like a fairy. I had the feeling that my performance was more appreciated in its absence than in its presence.
We came last.
Malvolio is now being played by Mr Misery himself, Meldrew or Richard Wilson. I hear he's very good. But I wonder if his exit is as good as mine was.